Thank You, God, For Not Taking Them Away From Me
by Rachel3003
Summary: As soon as she breaks away from the mount of soil that was her prison, Natasha is running. Her heart is in her throat, pulsing uncomfortably and making it difficult for her to breath. She tries to call for him, but the words get stuck in her tongue. What if he doesn't answer? What if he turned to dust? AVENGERS BELONGS TO MARVEL STUDIOS.


**The aftermath of the "Snap", as I call it. Set in my Darkness universe. Can be read alone, but there will be characters that you'll say, "Who the hell are this people again?" Also, this contains a LOT of spoilers to Infinity Wars –obviously– and some of Ant-man and the Wasp, so don't read if you haven't seen them.**

 _"Blah, blah, blah."_ **ß** **this is Russian. I'm feeling too lazy to search for the translations and then put everything here, so it'll be like this. There's going to be a few words in Russian, but it'll be things like 'yes', 'no' and nicknames.**

 **Oh, and there'll also be Xhosa, the language used in Wakanda and that also happens to be real (A fact that I was unaware of until I Googled it XDXD).**

 **That'll be all. Enjoy!**

* * *

 _Steve!_

As soon as she breaks away from the mount of soil that was her prison, Natasha is running. Her heart is in her throat, pulsing uncomfortably and making it difficult for her to breath. She tries to call for him, but the words get stuck in her tongue. What if he doesn't answer? What if he turned to dust like that tree? She shakes her head and runs faster. And then she sees him seated next to the grey corps of Vision and the relief of seeing his shoulders move with his breathing is so great that she almost falls to her knees.

But now that she knows that Steve is alive, her heart falls from her throat to the pit of her stomach so fast that she almost throws up the meager contents of her stomach. She presses her hand over it and breathes in deep, trying to control it. She steps around him and kneels at his side; she reaches her hands to his face and make him look at her. His hazy eyes almost make her regret her rough treatment, but she needs to know if they're ok.

"Steve! Steve, where's the phone?" he blinks as if he can't understand her, and then his eyes widen and he pats over his chest, before sticking his hand into one of the pockets and taking out a flip-phone.

He opens it quickly and notes that the screen is cracked, but it lights up all the same. He presses the only number saved in the contact list. He gets up from the floor, taking Natasha with him. He can feel the eyes of everybody on them but he ignores them. He has something more important to worry about. The phone rings in his ear and he clutches it harder. When he hears a small _crack_ Natasha gently pries it from his hand and presses it to her own ear. A few seconds pass and the line goes dead, the robotic voice of the recoding informing her that the number she's trying to reach isn't available at the moment. She ignores it and presses the green button again. Steve is getting twitchy from his place glued at her side, and she suppresses the urge to pace around. He constant _beep… beep_ is almost torture. Why aren't they picking up?

And then, a crackling noise and a watery, stuffy voice comes from the speaker.

 _"Da?"_

 _"Elena!"_ she breathes out a shaky sigh and Steve tightens his arm around her.

 _"Natasha! Milaya, what happened?"_ her voice is shaky, and Natasha fears the worst.

 _"We lost, Elena. Is… did he…"_ God, she can't even say it.

 _"He's ok, asleep now."_ Relief washes trough her and she sags against Steve. She looks up, a watery smile on her lips.

"He's ok." He smiles back and drops his forehead to hers. She basks in the feeling before it dawns on her. _"Elena, and Yegor?"_ a sob is her only answer. A single tear falls down her cheek. She wipes it away and determination fills her eyes. She tightens her grip on the phone and looks Steve in the eyes. _"We're coming, ok, Elena? We'll be there in a couple of hours. Wait for us, ok?"_

 _"Ok."_

 _"And, Elena? We're going to fix this, ok? We'll find a way, I promise."_

* * *

An hour and a half later, Steve and Natasha are a few minutes from reaching the little village. Natasha turns off the autopilot and takes the controls to land. Steve is standing behind her, nervously biting his lip to keep himself from pacing. Soon enough, the red roofs of the small village come into view, and Natasha lands the jet. After they had returned to the castle, they had asked Shuri to borrow one of their jets, and even though she was consumed by the grief of loosing her brother, the girl had smiled at them and nodded.

As soon as they touch ground, Natasha lowers the ramp an they're off, running across the small field and into the town, through small, rocky streets and to the little house at the other side of the village. Steve rushes to the door and opens it, thanking whoever is listening that Elena hadn't locked it because then he would've broken it.

"Elena!" she's not down in the store, so they circle the counter and run up the stairs. There's where they find her, seated in the dining table and clutching a jar filled with a brownish powder to her chest. Her wrinkled cheeks have tear tracks and her eyes are red and puffy.

 _"Steven, Natalia!"_ she sets the jar down on the table and gets up right on time for the two to envelop her in a hug.

 _"We couldn't stop him."_ Whispers Natasha, sniffling and tightening her hold on the woman.

 _"We lost…"_ continues Steve, his voice as watery as hers. Elena holds them close, tightening her hug as much as her old arms can. They dwarf her, Natasha a head taller than her and Steve two, but it still feels as if she's protecting them. Elena and Yegor had been there for them even after they found out just whom they were housing. They had welcomed them back with open arms a few months later and they'd extended their hospitality to Sam and Wanda, and they had been there for them six months ago when…

A high-pitched cry breaks the silence, and Steve's and Natasha's breathes catch in their throats. Elena chuckles and disentangles herself from the hug, giving Steve a pat to the chest and Natasha to the shoulder.

 _"Go, he's missed you."_ Natasha is the first to react, giving her a final hug before sprinting up the stairs. Steve hesitates for a second, the guilt still clouding his eyes. _"Don't worry about me, synok. Go see your child, he's in your room."_ He nods, drops a kiss to her cheek and races after Natasha.

He reaches the door just as she's is picking him up from his crib. He's dressed in a light green t-shirt and a diaper, his short, red hair is mused and his face is scrunched up in that way he does when he's hungry. However, as soon as he hears Natasha's voice cooing at him, he stops crying and gives his mother the biggest baby grin in history. Steve crosses the room in a flash and hugs her, leaving their boy in the middle. The baby turns and coos at him. He chokes out a laugh and drops his head until it rests against Natasha's.

"Hey there, buddy." He drops a kiss to his head and tightens his arms, bringing them closer to him.

"We missed you so much, James," says Natasha, and the boy turns to her, giving her another big smiles and cuddling to her chest, closing his chubby hand over the edge of her suit.

"Ma! Da!" babbles James, and Steve chuckles at his son's attempts at forming words.

They stay like that for a long time, just cuddling their son and basking in the knowledge that he survived Thanos' Snap. They don't move until James protests, signaling that he's remembered that he was hungry and wants to eat. They disentangle, Steve taking James and Natasha curling an arm around his waist. When they reach the kitchen, they find Elena already cutting a banana and a bottle waiting at the side. As soon as James sees the bottle and the thin slices of fruit, he starts babbling and straining towards it. The old woman turns and smiles at them. She finishes cutting and sets it all in a plate, offering it to Natasha as Steve sits at the table and sets James in his lap. Both women take the other seats, one at each side in the square table, and they start explaining what had happened as they feed James the fruit slices and then the bottle.

 _"Are you certain that this is reversible, dears?"_ asks Elena once the couple finishes their tale. Natasha looks down at her son, her little baby, and she hardens her stare.

 _"It has to be. That monster took the lives of half the universe; he left children without their parents and parents without their children. There has to be a way to undo it. And if there isn't…"_ she looks up at the elderly woman that has become so much for them. _"We'll make sure he pays for what he's done."_

* * *

It's not until the following day after lunch that they return to Wakanda. Elena accompanies them, after a rather lengthy discussion about her staying in Russia or coming with them. Steve and Natasha had finally won, stating that they didn't want to leave her alone and that she could bring Yegor with her. When they lower the ramp, Shuri, Okoye and two of the remaining Dora Milaje greet them. Shuri's somber and haunted look lightens up slightly when she sees James in his mother's arms, and the baby coos at her, reaching grabby hands towards her as soon as he sees her.

"James!" she steps forward quickly, and Natasha smiles as she passes the baby to the new queen. James screeches in delight at seeing the funny girl again, and he starts babbling away immediately, patting her cheek and sticking one of her bead necklaces in his mouth. "How are you, _iilekese_? You've been a good boy?" she tickles him and he dissolves into peals of laughter. She looks up at Steve as he helps Elena go down the ramp, and James, seeing as he's lost her attention, looks at Okoye and grins at her, sticking his fist in his mouth besides the beads and sneaks his tongue to the side. The general tries to contain the smile, but when her fellow warriors chuckle at her sides, she looses the battle and James celebrates his victory with a loud giggle.

"Shuri, we'd like to introduce you to Elena, she's the one that helped me give birth." Says Natasha, taking the weathered hand when it's offered and after the girl bows slightly to the old woman, Natasha then turns to Elena. _"Elena, this is Shuri. She's the princess, that girl I told you that plays with Jamie sometimes?"_ Elena nods, humming, and bows to the girl.

"Pleasure, Shuri. You are good to little Jamie, yes?" her English is heavily accented, but still understandable, and the young girl nods, bouncing James in her arms. He yawns and lays his head over her shoulder.

"Here, let me take him." Steve steps forward and Shuri passes him his baby. James protests a little, but as soon as he's nestled against the warm chest of his father, he nods off. They had changed before leaving Russia, so now they are dressed in casual clothes, their suits and gear, along with Yegor's ashes, are in the duffle bag slung over Natasha's shoulders.

"Everyone has been asking for you. No one knew where you went." Informs them Shuri, turning to the castle. She waits until she's walking at Elena's other side and offers her arm to help in Steve's absence. The old woman smiles at her, and gives her arm a squeeze.

"Sorry for that, we didn't really think to stop and tell everybody. It would've raised a lot of questions we didn't have the time to answer." Tells her Natasha, talking slower than she would normally to help Elena keep up with the conversation.

"We thought as much. I hope I didn't overstep when I said that it was a family matter." Steve chuckles and pat's James' bottom, the baby gurgles and sucks on his fist.

"Well, it _was_ a family matter, so don't worry. You had to tell them something, after all." He tells her, and the young queen nods, reassured. She hadn't wanted to tell everybody of their secret without permission, but the survivors had gotten anxious with the Captain and the Widow gone missing. Certain talking raccoon had been rather loud about it.

 _"Your planet –the_ universe _– is in chaos, and when your leaders go missing without a word you just sit and say 'Yeah, ok, lets wait for them to come back'?! What the hell is wrong with you people?!"_

"Everybody's still here, right? Nobody left?" asks then Natasha.

"No, everyone here. Dr. Banner is in the lab and Thor and that raccoon –Rocket, I think– were drowning their sorrows last night, so they're each in a room with a killer hangover. A man arrived a few hours ago with three children, a toddler and two girls. He said that you sent him?" she looks at Natasha and she nods.

"Clint?" Shuri nods. "And he had two girls with him? No one else?" Shuri nods and then shakes her head, and Natasha sighs. She'd contacted Clint last night and found out that Laura and Cooper had passed, and she'd instructed him to find Scott and his family and bring them here. If only Cassie was with him that meant that the girl's parents, plus her stepfather and Lang's girlfriend, had fallen too. And maybe even the girlfriend's parents too, but that would be too much assuming.

"So he has Cassie with him…" states Steve in a somber voice.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Kinda. Not that she's here, but the fact that she's the only one. It means that both her parents and her stepfather are gone."

"And Scott's girlfriend. What was her name? Van Dyne?

"Hope."

"Hey, princess! Why are there people putting up a tiny bed-cage in a room?" the voice comes from across the room and the group turns to see Rocket walking out from the hall, fur a mess and dressed in a set of dinosaurs pajamas. He's mid yawn when he sees Steve and Natasha, and his demeanor changes abruptly. A growl resonates around the room as Rocket stomps closer. "Who the _hell_ d'you think you are, huh?! 'A family matter'! What the hell is that?! We all have family matters! That doesn't mean we leave witho–" his words die in his throat as soon as Steve shifts his stance and James comes into his line of sight. The growl dies and his eyes widen, glued to the tiny child sleeping in his father's arms. "Oh… _that_ kind of family matter." There's a long silence after that and the raccoon averts his eyes, shuffling his feet. "Well, this is awkward."

"That's alright, Rocket. We really should've told somebody, but we were on a hurry." Tells him Steve.

 _"Milaya, what is that?"_ Natasha turns to see Elena pointing at Rocket, her expression not fearful, but cautious.

 _"It's alright, Babushka. He's the one that came with Thor. Remember we told you that he looked like an animal? You don't have to be afraid of him, he's all bark and no bite." Natasha smirks, and Elena nods, reassured._

 _"Hmmm, he looks like a raccoon."_

"What are you saying? How come Terra has more than one language? That's weird." Complains Rocket as he takes the last steps to the group. He peers up at the slumbering James for a second before turning to Elena. "And who are you?"

"Elena. I take care of James while Steven and Natalia are away." She offers hi her hand and he takes it, already familiar with the gesture.

"Rocket. Why do you call her Natalia, I thought her name was Natasha." He looks at the woman in question.

"It's the same name. Natalia, Natasha, Natalie…" Rocket stares at her in silence for a few seconds.

"You Terrans are so weird." Steve laughs, waking James in the process. He grumbles and rubs his eyes with his little fists. His father moves it away and the baby finally opens his eyes. He looks around sleepily, taking in the faces of his parents, surrogate grandmother and sister, to finally see the weird animal standing on two legs. James' eyes go wide and he tips forward, canting his body downwards and extending his little hands towards it, cooing and gurgling all the way. Rocket actually jumps back in fright. "What the hell is it doing?!" Shuri laughs outright and pats his head.

"He just wants to play with you! He's a baby, he doesn't mean any harm." Steve chuckles and rearranges his son back to his chest. James protests, making grabby hands at Rocket and then looking up at his father pleadingly, sticking his other fist in his mouth. Natasha shakes her head in amused exasperation and starts guiding Elena towards the hall.

"C'mon, James has to eat and Lena has to rest her legs. You set up her room next to ours?" she directs the question at the princess, who nods. "Thank you. We'll be back down once Elena's settled and James in taking his nap."

* * *

Once Elena is settled and taking a bath, Natasha returns to her and Steve's room, where she finds Steve already changing James' diaper. She smiles, thankful that he bothered to learn how to change a diaper. Even though times had changed, she knew that there was still people that refused to evolve, but what had surprised her was how many of those people were still out there.

She moves to Steve's side and helps him finish to clean James up. However, as he moves to take a clean one, she stops him.

"Wait, let's take a bath." He hums in agreement and entertains their son while she draws it.

When it's done –without bubbles because James has an affinity to eat them– she undresses and then get's in, taking James so Steve can undress too. She settles against the cold surface of the tub and sets her baby in her lap, watching as he splashes around happily. He tries to grab the water as if it were dirt or one of is toys, and when it slips through his fingers he looks into his hand with a confused face, as if there's something wrong with it and that's why he can't grab the water. Steve taps her shoulder and she scoots forward to let him settle behind her. He usually prefers to take her current position, prefers to feel her holding him, enveloping him; feel her hands in his hair and across his chest as he holds their son steady over his lap. But if today he feels the need to hold her, to surround her and envelop her and their Jamie, then so be it. She has no preference for either position, she relishes both, so she usually let's Steve decide.

His arms curl around her midriff, his fingers caressing, soothing the tension away from her muscles without even trying. She leans back, gluing her back to his chest and feeling the cold press of her wedding band between her shoulder blades. She turns her head slightly, nudging her nose to his jaw and then his neck. Warm water splashes and she opens her eyes, unsure of when she'd closed them, and watches as James makes waves with his hands, pushing the water forward again and again and then giggling when it crashes against the edge of the tub. Steve nuzzles his nose into her hair and over to her ear, planting a kiss to her temple.

And finally, the tension releases form their bodies. One of his hands travels up to fiddle with his dog tags, and his own ring nestled between, something he does when he's completely relaxed. The ring is worn, old and simple. Just a white gold band, no jewel, only a carved design of Celtic style. And hers is exactly the same, just thinner. His parents' wedding rings, something he'd had to steal back from the Smithsonian Vault a year and some ago because he was unable to go through the proper channels, for obvious matters. He would've liked to get them something newer, but Natasha had been adamant that these ones were the _ones_. They had married the day after in Wakanda, exchanged vows and then rings: she kept his with his dog tags, and he kept hers with a pendant of a hourglass with little topaz stones inside and a star-shaped opal charm.

"Do you really think we'll be able to bring them back?" his voice is rough, and Natasha can feel the tears welling back up. They have this effect on each other, when one cries, the other isn't far behind. Thankfully neither is a crier, or else there would be water works every week. She brings James up to her chest and turns her body sideways, hiding away in his neck. James gurgles happily and plays with both their necklaces, he sticks the dog tags into his mouth and Natasha gently pries them away.

"I don't know… but I'd rather try and fail than not try at all. And if it turns out that it is irreversible, then we'll kill Thanos, and I'll put a bullet in him for every life that he's taken." She raises a hand from the now tepid water to caress her son's red curls, dampening them in the process. " A bullet for each child, a stab for each parent, a burn for every girlfriend or wife and a broken bone for each boyfriend or husband. And he'll die in agony to make him feel even just a speck of the despair he's created."

* * *

When the water goes cold, Natasha and Steve take turns with the washing and holding James and then they clean their baby together. Once they're done, they dry off and envelope James in a cocoon of towels. They get dressed, Natasha in one of Steve's t-shirts and jeans and Steve, well, the same. Natasha puts James into a diaper as Steve selects a onesie. She hears him chuckle and when she turns to see what he's laughing at, her lips twitch up into a smile. He's holding a white one –the only one, given how messy James can be–, with the words "My Daddy is" in black right above a picture of his shield.

"That one." He nods and brings it over, and they put it on together.

James gurgles happily, his feet kicking at the air and one of his hands already drenched in saliva. Natasha takes him into her arms as Steve prepares a bottle. He would cut some fruit too, but there isn't any in the room. Once done, he sits on the bed, back against the headboard, and pats his lap. Natasha laughs and shakes her head in fond exasperation. She moves to sit onto his lap, nonetheless, and his arms circle her abdomen at the same time that his chin falls to her shoulder. This had been their favorite position while she'd been breastfeeding, and although she'd waned James –something that had been much easier than she'd thought it would be– a month or so ago, they had continued to cuddle in this fashion, either with James drinking his bottle or simply sleeping.

"We'll need to go soon…" the words echo through the room, and he knows she's right, but he's reluctant to exit this little bubble of happiness they've created in here. He curls tighter around her, his eyes never leaving the slumbering face of his child in his mother's arms. He sighs and nods, but doesn't even try to move from his position. In his defense, Natasha doesn't either.

Almost half and hour passes before neither of them move. There's a knock on their door and both look up, startled out of their thoughts. James stirs with their sudden movement, but Natasha rocks him and he falls asleep again. They disentangle from each other and step forward, Natasha moving behind a column to keep her son hidden until they know who is knocking while Steve goes to answer the door. He gives a last longing look back at the bed before schooling his features and opening the door.

Clint is at the other side, with little Nate in his arms and Lila and Cassie and his sides. Steve gives them a quick once over; the boy seems fine, but the man and the girls have this haunted look in their eyes, the same that Shuri had when they had arrived.

"Clint, hey, come on in." he moves aside to let them through and the man has to coax the girls to step inside. Lila takes little prompting, but Cassie seems to be in a catatonic state and needs Clint's hand in her back to guide her inside. Once he stops touching her, the girl stills again and stands there, her eyes lost somewhere between the bathroom door and the floor-to-ceiling windows that take one of the walls of the room.

"Clint!" James, awake now, is suddenly in his arms, and the next thing he sees is Nathaniel being set down on the floor as the two embrace each other. The boy looks up at them in confusion, and looks like he's about to protests, so Steve snatches him up and sits him in one of the armchairs. Lila has already taken residence in the other one, and has curled up in a little ball.

"Hey, Lila, Nate? I know you're scared, but we're going to fix this ok? We're going to bring you're mother and brother back." Lila looks at him, her eyes rosy.

"You promise?"

"I promise I won't stop until I find a way." He smiles, but the girl's eyes harden.

"And if there isn't?" he closes his eyes, trying to ward away the feelings that thought provoked. When he opens them again, he locks them on the Barton girl.

"Then we'll get Thanos, and we'll make him pay for what he's done." She observes him for a few seconds, before nodding once and curling into herself again. Well, that will have to do. He straightens, and Clint is at his side, hugging him. He returns the hug immediately, although only using one arm and holding out the other so James isn't crushed.

As soon as they separate, he passes James over so he can meet his uncle and then turns to Natasha, only to find her cuddling the Barton siblings. She's taken Lila's armchair, the girl curled around her left side and her younger brother on the other. She smiles up at him, and then sends a meaningful look towards the remaining child in the room. She hasn't moved an inch from where Clint left her, her eyes lost and her arms a dead weight for her shoulders. Steve moves closer and crouches in front of her. Her eyes don't budge, still lost, as if she can't see him.

"Cassie?" he touches her arm, shakes her a little; she doesn't even flinch. He covers her cheek with his hand and turns her face so he can look into her eyes. She blinks and continues to stare, as if she doesn't even see him. He sighs and stands up, just in time to receive a cooing James from Clint. They gaze together at the girl for a few seconds. "What happened to her?" the man sighs and shakes his head.

"I don't know, she was practically like that when I got to her. Found her at Lang's place, but I went to her mother's first. There were two little jars with ashes siting on the counter. She must've gathered up her mother and stepfather and then run to her father. She must've snapped when he wasn't there. We went to see if the Pym's were there, and she searched the house with me, but no one was there. And, well, _that_ happened." He motions to the girl.

"She's completely catatonic." Murmurs Steve.

"At least she eats if you put food in her hands and falls asleep if you lay her on a bed, so that's something." Lila suddenly appears next to Cassie, takes her hand and tugs her to the bed. They lay there, foreheads touching and they're asleep in a minute, soft snoring feeling the room.

"That was fast…" Mutters Natasha, stepping between them and passing the now dozing Nathaniel back to his father.

"I'm going to get them to our room." Tells them Clint, but Steve stops him.

"Let them sleep, put Nate in the bed too, or in the crib if you want. James is going down soon and Elena was coming to babysit while we're with Shuri and Okoye, she can watch them too." Clint nods, thankful, and sets his son in the crib set next to the bed. He bends down to kiss his head before turning and kissing his daughter in the same way.

Half an hour later, Elena knocks on the door just as Steve and Natasha are settling James in the crib next to his cousin. He curls into the bigger boy, his thumb in his mouth. Steve rummages in the duffle and passes the pacifier to Natasha so she can exchange the finger for the rubber nipple. They thank the old woman; Natasha gives her a kiss and Steve hugs her tight. They introduce Clint, give her a comm in case she needs anything and they they're off towards the central command. They're about to enter when Clint stops them.

"You may want to tuck those in." he waves at their necklaces, hanging from their necks in plain sight.

Steve looks down and fiddles with her ring, noting how much bigger it is to her smaller fingers. His mother had been a big woman, the daughter of a butcher and a farmer, and she'd grown caring for chickens and cows with her mother and later slaughtering them with her father. When she'd married his father and they'd come to the US, she'd applied as a nurse to integrate herself better in the city. Her hands had remained big and strong though, and the ring was a testament to it. They hadn't bothered with resizing it, since they'd never planed on wearing them in the first place. They were a symbol of their unity, yes, but a ring wasn't something you wanted to have around your finger when you punched people on a daily basis. And it was much safer hanging from their necks, closer to their hearts, anyway.

He looks at Natasha as she too fiddles with his dog tags, tracing over the words on the plate. When she looks up at him, he already knows what she's going to say.

"Leave it out, it's not like there's anybody in there that doesn't know already." She lets it go and it sways for a few seconds before settling against her chest. He's about to agree, but Clint interrupts him before he can say anything.

"Thor, Rhodey and Banner are probably in there. And Rocket too." She blinks, as if surprised that she'd forgotten about them. He thinks it over for a few seconds, before speaking.

"I'm tired of hiding." She nods in agreement and steps forward to push the door open and enter the room.

As she clears the doorway, she looks around. Shuri and Okoye are going through the lists of the fallen warriors that had both perished and vanished in the battle and Thor and Rhodey are looking over a world map in the big screen that shows the reported deaths. It almost looks like those maps that show the earth at night, only that in this one instead of light there are red dots appearing all over every time someone makes a call to the hospital or the police. And then, to the side, are Thor and Rocket, the raccoon perched over the god's shoulder and looking at the map but not actually saying anything.

Shuri is the first to notice them, and she straightens from her hunched position over the screen table to acknowledge them.

"Hey, guys. Where's…?" she trails off, shooting a furtive glance at the men, aware that they're unaware of certain baby.

"Sleeping; Elena is watching over them."

The young queen nods and motions them over. Natasha takes the position to her right and Steve looks over her shoulder at the charts while Clint joins Thor over the perusal of the map in silence. There are three lists in the scree, the casualties in body bags, the ones that turned to ash, and the ones that are missing, who could've run, turned to dust or are in so many pieces that they still can't be identified. Steve tenses when he see's Sam's full name in the 'Missing' list and Natasha sneaks a hand back towards him. He grips it tight, lacing their fingers.

"We found Wilson's wings in the forest next to a body of ashes, but we can't confirm if it's him." Tells them Okoye, the lines in her face more prominent that yesterday.

"And we have Sergeant Barnes and Wanda, if you'd like to guard them. Rocket already claimed his friend and we've tried to repair Vision, but we haven't managed anything so far. Our best scientists are working on him as we speak." Continues Shuri.

"We'd like that, thank you."

They continue revising the lists and matching remains that have been confirmed with names so they can be returned to the family, if there's any left. Steve practically glues himself to Natasha's side, the toll of being away from James starting to make itself present again. Natasha isn't much better, twining their fingers again and again, fiddling with his and biting her lip until it's rosy. It doesn't help matters that both have seen Bruce's furtive glances towards Natasha and the frowns he gives their entwined hands. They're well underway in the third hour, closer to the fourth, when the comms in their ears crackle to life.

 _"Natalia, Steven?"_ they straighten from their position, and all heads turn to them. Steve raises a hand to his ear and speaks.

 _"Elena! Is there something wrong?"_ she sounds calm, but after these last two days events…

From the other side of the room, he can hear Bruce ask "When did he learn Russian?" but ignores him.

 _"Net, net, everything is fine. Don't fret,_ _Solnyshko. Just wanted to let you know that Jamie is asking for you."_ Natasha looks up at him, one eyebrow raised and a smirk on her lips. _"It's almost dinner time, too. I would like to make Stroganoff, do you think they have beef here?"_ Natasha snorts and turns to a baffled Shuri.

"You wouldn't happen to have beef, would you?" the girl blinks and turns to Okoye; the general shrugs and turns to Natasha.

"We have antelope, will that do?"

* * *

Merely an hour later, they were all seated to dinner. Elena had charmed herself into the kitchen and with Natasha and Okoye at her side as translators, she had directed the cooks in the making of the Stroganoff. Thankfully, antelope meat wasn't that different in texture and flavor to beef, so although it wasn't the same, the dish had turned out just fine. She – along with the castle cooks and her two assistants– found it splendid, and they were sure the rest would think so too.

Meanwhile, Steve and Clint were freshening up the kids after their nap and the two hours of playing with Elena. Well, the boys played, Cassie continued in her catatonic state and Lila refused to leave her side. So while the girls changed, Clint and Steve gave the boys a bath and then dressed them for bed, Nate in a unicorn onesie and James in the counterpart of the bodysuit he'd been wearing: black, with "My Mommy is" in white and the red hourglass right beneath it. He worried that he may be cold later, so he grabbed the grey blanket Elena had knit for him, everything he needed to prepare a bottle and they were off.

As they near the dining hall, Steve worries about all the people that are going to find out about James. He looks down at his little boy, too absorbed in the charms and the ring hanging from his neck to pay attention to his surroundings. They had been able to hide Natasha's pregnancy from the world –which hadn't been that difficult with them living in exile– and James the six months he'd been alive. They had hid him even from Fury and Hill, and although the former director and his right hand had been suspicious that something had happened when the couple had stopped accepting missions, neither had been able to confirm anything.

"Steve!" he looks up, startled out of his thoughts. Clint is looking at him with worried eyes, and he notices then that they're standing at the doors. He shakes his head and motions the man ahead.

The dining hall is already bustling with people from the castle, preparing the table and moving ginormous cooking pots from the door that connects to the kitchen out of the door to the other side. Probably for the people down there, suffering too the lost of their loved ones. He breathes in deep, taking in the heavenly smell of Elena's cooking.

"We're having stroganoff for dinner." He informs Clint, and the man looks at him with a raised brow. "It smells like the one Elena does all the time." Clint shrugs, taking his word for it.

He looks around, trying to assess how many people will be at the table, and in turn, will find out about his son. He sees Shuri and Okoye directing the servants that carry the cooking pots around, telling them where to leave them around the city and to spread the word through the people that they have to bring their own plates. They can prepare the meal, but they don't have dishes for everyone. M'Baku is there too, glued to Okoye's side just like Steve and Natasha had been earlier. Thor, Rhodes, Bruce and Rocket are off to the side; the god and the sergeant talking while the scientist observes the obviously uncomfortable and irritated raccoon. Natasha and Elena are nowhere in sight, so he supposes they're still in the kitchen. when he turns to the men again, he sees Rocket's ears and nose twitch and he looks up at him, relieve immediately washing over his furred face.

"Rogers!" he drops his hands to the floor and runs to him. He crosses the expanse of the hall in two seconds he's suddenly there, circling him slightly to climb his back and perch himself over the man's unoccupied shoulder. "Thank God you're here! That creepy guy's been asking me questions nonstop since I got here! What's his deal, anyway?" James coos, reaching a tinny, chubby hand towards Rocket's muzzle and he gives him his hand instead. The baby gasps, his eyes wide and he pets the fur there and then looks up at Rocket and gifts him a big, toothless grin. "How come he doesn't have teeth?"

"Steve." He turns to the voice, and Bruce is merely a couple of meters from him, an unreadable look in his face as he moves his eyes from the man, the boy and to the raccoon's hand in the boys possession and over again. James spares him a glance, but dismisses him as unimportant and continues playing with Rocket.

"Bruce. Glad to see you back. Thor said Hulk took over for two years, must've been rough."

"Not really, I don't really remember any of it. It's like this three years haven't even passed." Steve tenses, aware of what that means, but before he can speak Thor and Rhodey approach, the god's voice blooming across the expanse of the hall.

"Captain! You disappeared yesterday, where'd you go?" Steve shifts, bouncing James a little and drawing the men's eyes to him.

"Had to go pick up this guy. Sweets, say hi." The baby looks up, grins at the men and promptly sticks is hand into his mouth, gurgling through it. Both Rhodes and Thor laugh, Bruce stays silent and Rocket leans away, afraid that the next thing the baby sticks in his mouth will be _his_ hand.

"Why is he _doing_ that?" asks the raccoon, an Rhodey stretches a hand to bop the child in the nose. James squeals and makes to grab the finger.

"He's just playing, Rocket." The little animal just wrinkles his nose.

"You Terrans are so weird." They all laugh, and Steve notices that Bruce's is slightly forced. He conceals his frown an turns to Rhodey when the man makes to speak.

"That's an interesting shade of color…" He's smirking, and Steve looks down at his son. He's playing with the charms in his necklace again, sticking Natasha's ring in his mouth. He pries it away and then combs his fuzzy, blood red hair to the side. Natasha had told him that when she was a child she'd had the same shade of vibrant red, but with when she'd hit her twenties it had subdued slightly to the shade she'd previously sported before she'd dyed blonde.

"Yeah, well…" he shifts James in his arms until the front of the bodysuit is visible, and Thor cackles, Rhodes snorts and Bruce flinches. Rocket blinks at them and looks at the child's clothes.

"I don't get it." He murmurs, and Steve chuckles. "His Mommy is… what?"

"See the symbol?" he taps it, and James giggles, grabbing a finger. "It's Natasha's insignia, like a signature of sorts."

"Oh!" there's a pause and then he grimaces. "Ugh, that's so corny!" Thor laughs, his voice blooming across the room. Workers frown at him, as if condemning his mirth in times like this. Rocket turns suddenly, and the shift of his body weight makes Steve stagger a little before he compensates it. "Hey, speaking of Mommy!" they all turn in sync to where he's looking and sure enough, Natasha is walking into the hall, looking worn and anxious. James shrieks in delight at seeing his mother and her face instantly relaxes, a big smile lifting her lips. Rocket get's off of him when James starts moving, trying to get to his mother and she laughs, trotting the last few steps and catching him before he can escape his father's arms.

"Hey, baby!" he cuddles close to her, laughing, cooing and babbling all at once. She kisses him and then looks up at Steve. "Dinner's almost ready, we should be taking our seats."

He nods and follows her to the table where the Bartons have already taken seat. There's a high chair for James a few seats over from them and they take the chairs at each side. Rocket, Thor and Rhodes sit across from them, with the raccoon right in front of James. Bruce sits as far from them as he can without making it completely obvious, but everybody notices anyway. Shuri, Okoye and M'Baku join them and the cooks come out with plates, Elena with them and she sits and explains the dish.

And for the duration of the dinner, they all forget about what's waiting tomorrow, about all the worlds across the galaxy spiraling into chaos, about all the death and despair and sorrow. They laugh at James' antics with the food, they explain to Rocket how to use a fork and a knife and they compliment Elena and the cooks for a job well done.

Hours later, with the comforting, soft sound of James' breathing in his crib, Natasha and Steve lay intertwined in the bed, not a breath of space between them, and they both relish and thank God for not taking the other, or their baby, away form them.

* * *

 ***- If you didn't know, those are Natasha and James' birthstones: Topaz for Nat cause she was born in November, Opal for Jamie cause in this universe he was born in October.**

 **Oh, and by the way, I actually believe that Natasha is pregnant in Infinity Wars, she keeps her hand over her stomach for way too long, and she even caresses it with her thumb. I downloaded the movie just so I could watch the scene, so I know what I'm talking about. This fic is just something I had grating my brain and it wouldn't stop until I wrote it, so here it is.**

 **Also… HE SHAVED! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT HE SHAVED! I SAW THE PICTURES OF HIM ON THE SET OF AVENGERS 4 AND I CRIED! WHERE'S THE BEARD?! I CAN'T DO THIS! *runs to her room and hides away, never to be seen again.***

 **Ok, I'm done. And NOW, to work in Back in Time and Don't Forget!**


End file.
